Recommendations for Getting Through All This
Winter, gloom, chaos, despair: you can survive it all, promise.
I don’t know why it’s been so hard for me to recommend things lately. The state of the world might have something to with it. The only thing I want to recommend wholeheartedly, over and over, is quitting drinking (if you need to1) — it really does make everything better, no matter what is going on out there. However, statistically, most people don’t struggle with their drinking, so here are some other things to get you through the very long, short days of this particular winter.
A Warm Scarf
Wrap your neck up in something soft and fuzzy all winter long.
I do not know what it is about Southerners, but no one wears scarves around here. Do you all like having cold necks? I do not understand it. Having spent three winters in the Northeast was enough to make me a scarf convert for life. A good scarf will last forever, and if you buy one that’s big enough, it can double as a lap blanket in a chilly movie theater or airplane. Scarves can also serve as a hat in a pinch, or even a face cover on a blustery day.
More importantly, scarves are fun! The bigger and brighter, the better, in my opinion. Imagine walking down the street in this bold, giant Jil Sander scarf — that’s a statement. This blue-and-green Marni would brighten up any winter. White + Warren cashmere travel wraps are a classic for a reason (and lots of great colors are currently on sale). If big and bright isn’t your style and you just want to be warm, you can never go wrong with a wool Donegal knit.
I’m currently dreaming of an Acne Studios plaid. It won’t happen this season, but maybe one day. And if your dream scarf is out of your budget too, just wait for off-season sales (or buy a possible fake on eBay?).
Doomspending
We’re all dying. Go ahead and buy that sweater.
I had a bit of a shopping addiction in my 20s, back when interest rates were super low and credit cards were giving idiots like me $20,000 limits, even though my annual salary was barely over that. I thought all the money would sort itself out when I inevitably married someone who made more money than me or when I finally got a dream journalism job with a decent salary and an expense account. (Those existed, back then.) The money did eventually sort itself out, in bankruptcy court.
Since then, I’ve never had the credit to develop a shopping problem again. But as I’ve stayed sober, my credit has gradually improved, and I’ve been able to occasionally splurge on small, fun things — last-minute (reasonably priced) tickets to Charli XCX, a Carharrt jacket for my dog for Christmas, and some really lovely sweaters on sale this winter. Of course, now that I am unemployed, I wish I hadn’t spent that money, but final sales are, well, final. That said, I am enjoying the hell out of wearing new, cozy sweaters that have zero bad memories attached to them. (I’ve gotten a lot of recommendations — and sale intel — from The Love List, former Atlanta magazine columnist
’ fashion Substack.)I’m not saying buying something you love will take the pain of existence away. But might you feel a tiny bit better in a brand-new thick and soft cashmere sweater, or in that pair of boots you’ve been dreaming about since last winter? Possibly. (And you’ll definitely feel warmer, which can go a long way towards happiness.)
Human connection.
Find your people, now more than ever.
My pal A.C. Shilton recently posted about looking for new ways to find connection, which got me thinking about how lucky I am to have that now. (Her newsletter is a must, unless pictures of cute farm animals do not make you happy.) Thanks to 12-step sobriety, I now leave the house most days of the week to go spend time with other people, in person. I realize that most people are not addicts, and I also realize that not all addicts benefit from 12-step programs. However, whether your drug of choice is booze, heroin, sex, food, family dysfunction or something else, 12-step groups are a really great way to meet other people who really get it, whatever that “it” is. (I’m still as agnostic as ever; don’t let the god stuff scare you away if you need a meeting.)
But you don’t need to have a problem to benefit from a support group. Join a parenting group or a crafting club or a book club or a game night with people you don’t know. Don’t like the people you meet? Try something else. It’s easy to find support groups and forums online, which can be beneficial if you live in a small town or are struggling with a rare condition. But if you live in a city, even a mediocre medium-sized one, there are groups all over town. Churches have them. Libraries have them. Community colleges have them. Join a recreational sports league or a hiking group. Take an art class. Volunteer! Talk to the people you see at yoga every week and ask someone who looks cool out for coffee.
I get it — talking to new people is really scary, even when you aren’t trying to open up about something deeply personal. And online groups can really be great — I have sooooo many online friends! — but there’s truly something different about spending time with humans in person. And to do that you have to LEAVE YOUR HOUSE. I know it’s hard — it’s cold, and there’s always something new to stream, and if you’re a parent, you’ve got to figure out something to do with your kids. But I promise you the next four (let’s hope?) years are not going to get any easier if you’re at home alone. Find you your people, and everything won’t seem quite as desperate.
More Things I Like Right Now
The Pitt. Do you want to watch Noah Wyle look hot in a hoodie while saving lives and competently bossing baby doctors around the ER? Of course you do. The only drawback to this recommendation is that Max is inexplicably refusing to release all the episodes at once so you can binge them now, in January, when we really need them.
The Book of Love, by Kelly Link.2 Do you want to be mesmerized by a deeply weird and beautiful book by one of our country’s best writers? Again, obviously you do. I love this book so much, a meditation on love in all its forms that’s also just really fun to read.
Colored Television, by Danzy Senna. Is this novel a satire of Hollywood, a scathing look at American race relations, or a really funny reflection on the creative process? Yes. One of the best books I read last year.
“Ankles,” by Lucy Dacus. I haven’t been able to stop listening to this song since I heard it last week.
Parallax by Atlas Sound. I woke up last week with a few bars of music randomly running through my head. I couldn’t place it at first, and then it came to me — it was the chorus of “Mona Lisa,” a song off the 2011 album Parallax by Atlas Sound, the solo project of Deerhunter frontman Bradford Cox. I hadn’t listened to this album in years, and I have no idea why I woke up with it in my head. But after playing it immediately, I couldn’t believe I had let this drop out of rotation for so long. It’s a practically perfect album — pretty and ethereal, bitter and sweet, catchy and complex. If you missed it when it came out, it’s ideal listening as you wait for the spring weather to come.
Reminder: I am unemployed now! I’d love it if you became a paid subscriber! Don’t want to deal with Substack? Venmo me, and I will add you to the subscriber list. You can also hire me for all your copywriting/communications/freelance reporting needs!
How do you know if you need to? I have thoughts about that dropping in a couple of days!
Full disclosure, on Bluesky the other week Link actually complimented this post of mine, but I was already planning to recommend her book, because I love it.
I don't get why people don't wear scarves either! I've been teased mercilessly in the past week by people for showing up places with a knit hat, big scarf, puffy long coat and mittens. And they don't even know about my long johns! But you know what, I'm warm and not mad about the cold like they are.
And preach about leaving the house and how important that's going to be over the next few years. Everyone needs to flex those connection muscles and keep flexing them again and again. We need each other.