I am a forensic psychiatrist who revels in stumbling upon the fascinating people who I find on SubStack! First, I want to say that you are not alone. You may have been vulnerable by whatever circumstance led you to a predator - and alcoholism is undoubtedly primary - but make no mistake & excuse, he was a skilled & practiced serial predator. You might want to check out Dr. Robert Hare's book, "Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us" as probably the best introduction to the topic of just how these predators operate, and and how they select their victims & why. I have met so many in state prison, but the fact is, only about 30% ever commit crimes that land them in my venue, unfortunately. Now, I could be trite and tell you, "Don't blame yourself," or "It's not your fault," etc., etc, but I am well aware from your writing that it doesn't feel that way, and I am also aware that any "relationship" with these individuals strips us of our self-worth and dignity, and that growth and recovery returns with the work of sobriety & sharing your recovery with others. So, my wish for you is one day at a time of rich, healthy, joyous, and free sobriety that brings hope and self-forgiveness! You will find someone who will love and support you as you deserve to be loved & supported, and you can finally trust. Mark my words. The need for happiness and fulfillment is, in my experience and practice, self-fulling. Then, and only then, these questions of "why" you did not do this or that will eventually become meaningless. Sincerely, my best wishes to you!
Thank you for sharing this. I'm sad you didn't have the children you longed for. A fascinating look at an abusive personality. But a testament to your resilience,beauty, and hard earned Peace. You are cultivating WISDOM and wisdom never 🙏 gets old.
Cari, I loved this. Yes, it's long, but I was so hooked in immediately. I'm so sorry you went through that, but you're sober now and this is a hell of a essay.
I am a forensic psychiatrist who revels in stumbling upon the fascinating people who I find on SubStack! First, I want to say that you are not alone. You may have been vulnerable by whatever circumstance led you to a predator - and alcoholism is undoubtedly primary - but make no mistake & excuse, he was a skilled & practiced serial predator. You might want to check out Dr. Robert Hare's book, "Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us" as probably the best introduction to the topic of just how these predators operate, and and how they select their victims & why. I have met so many in state prison, but the fact is, only about 30% ever commit crimes that land them in my venue, unfortunately. Now, I could be trite and tell you, "Don't blame yourself," or "It's not your fault," etc., etc, but I am well aware from your writing that it doesn't feel that way, and I am also aware that any "relationship" with these individuals strips us of our self-worth and dignity, and that growth and recovery returns with the work of sobriety & sharing your recovery with others. So, my wish for you is one day at a time of rich, healthy, joyous, and free sobriety that brings hope and self-forgiveness! You will find someone who will love and support you as you deserve to be loved & supported, and you can finally trust. Mark my words. The need for happiness and fulfillment is, in my experience and practice, self-fulling. Then, and only then, these questions of "why" you did not do this or that will eventually become meaningless. Sincerely, my best wishes to you!
Thank you! 💗
Thank you for sharing this. I'm sad you didn't have the children you longed for. A fascinating look at an abusive personality. But a testament to your resilience,beauty, and hard earned Peace. You are cultivating WISDOM and wisdom never 🙏 gets old.
Thank you so much!
Hard to read this harrowing tale of abuse, but compelling. Congrats in sharing it and on 7 years of sobriety.
Both are impressive!
Thank you so much! And not 7 years sober yet! Getting close to four years. But 7 years sober from him, which feels great.
This is so powerful. What a wretched person he was.
I think it’s great that you got this out of your in-progress folder. Definitely its own piece of forwarded momentum 👏
💗💗💗
Wow. This is so powerful. Congrats on your sobriety. I already know I will be thinking about this essay for a long time.
Thank you!!!!
Cari, I loved this. Yes, it's long, but I was so hooked in immediately. I'm so sorry you went through that, but you're sober now and this is a hell of a essay.
Thank you so much!