Manage Your Anxiety Like a Pro
You don't need a drink to calm down, I promise.
I’ve seen a lot of posts over the past week expressing some version of “Why did I pick this year to do Dry January?!” And I get it — the state of the world is fucking abysmal, and if any nation collectively needed a drink to handle it, it’s us. But here’s the thing about alcohol that I didn’t learn until far too late: Too much alcohol actually causes rebound anxiety. That’s right — all those years I spent carefully monitoring my occasional Klonopin use to not develop rebound anxiety from (and then possible dependence on) benzos while drinking unfettered amounts of wine were for naught, because all that wine is actually why I had some of the anxiety for which I (thought I) needed Klonopin to cope! (Yes, I am dumb. So dumb.)
Eliminating alcohol absolutely has absolutely helped reduce my anxiety. However, I am still a human prone to anxiety, and I am also a human in this current world, which is full of nothing but anxiety-creating things. Since I definitely cannot handle a martini at the end of the day to steady my nerves, I’ve developed other coping skills and practices. Maybe some of them will help you, whether or not Dry January is on your calendar. (Or maybe they won’t be useful at all!)
It’s hard to feel like there’s anything that can help at times like this, and yet what’s the alternative? Sitting on our couches in a state of fight-or-flight because we can’t put down our phones? I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t feel anxious about the state of things. But I am suggesting that living in constant anxiety also isn’t going to help you or anyone else. (I may be writing this list as a reminder for myself, too.)
Tips to manage acute anxiety:
Breathe. I am the type of anxious person who physically cannot handle deep breathing when my chest is tight and on the verge of an anxiety attack. Like, literally trying to breathe deeply makes my anxiety even worse. But I can usually manage box breathing — breathe in for a count of four, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four, and then keep repeating until my heart rate lowers. If I can’t manage to breathe in for four, then I try three. Or two. I just do it enough until my fight or flight response starts calming down. If box breathing doesn’t work for you, there are dozens of other breathing exercises you can try. (Breathing in through your nose and out slowly through pursed lips is also great when you can’t fathom even holding your breath because you’re so stressed.)
Eat. There’s a thing that’s big in the recovery community (and elsewhere) called HALT — hungry, angry, lonely, tired. It’s helpful when you’re in early sobriety, because a lot of cravings for alcohol are really just cravings for food or a nap. But HALT is also great for anxiety. If you’re feeling panicky, stop and think about the last time you ate something. You might just need a snack.
Exercise. Goddammit, I hate it, but just like 20 minutes of weights gets rid of all the crushing anxiety in my chest. It sucks that all the experts are right about this. The great thing is that you do not have to do a really punishing routine or go on a super long run or whatever for this to work. Just go do a few weight machines at whatever weight you can handle, and you will feel better.
Freeze. Nope, not jumping in a cold pool here. Just splash cold water on your face or run cold water over your wrists. Either one will help reset your vagus nerve. It’s quick and effective. You can also press an ice pack (or anything in the freezer) to your face. A teen I met swears by a cold metal spoon on her wrist or holding a frozen orange.
Taste something sour. Probably don’t suck on a lemon wedge because tooth enamel, but eating sour candy or drinking something sour (maybe with a straw?) will quickly reset your brain. (Also, sour gummies are delicious.)
Tips for anxiety prevention, coping with milder anxiety, staving off dread, etc.:
Call a friend. Yes, on the phone. No, don’t talk about politics. Just catch up.
Change your algorithm. Obviously, staying off all social media is the best option, but most of us don’t want to do that. However, if you only start interacting with non-political content, you’ll be shown far less political content. Like your friends’ pet pictures, not their #resistance memes. Follow a bunch of calming (to you) accounts. (I’ve gone with art and fashion; you might try nature or cute animals or fancy cars or sports dudes.) Mute your friends who only post content that stresses you out. Unfollow people who make you mad. Life’s too short to hate-follow.
Clean. I hate cleaning with every inch of my being, but it’s really calming to have a clean space; plus, you get to burn off excess nervous energy.
Do that thing you’ve been putting off. You know the one. Or three. Or ten. Because you know what’s worse than anxiety? Not doing that thing that’s giving you anxiety.
Go look at some art. Museums are calming, quiet places. Art makes you feel better.
Go outside. Still not an outdoors person here, never will be. But a brief walk in the brisk air and sunlight helps one breathe a little.
Go to a movie. The restorative nature of a movie theatre cannot be underestimated. It’s dark. You can’t look at your phone (unless you want to be a total jerk). It’s immersive. (But maybe don’t go see a movie that’s going to make you really anxious or sad.)
Limit your caffeine. I am admittedly terrible at this, but too much caffeine will absolutely make your anxiety worse. It will also make your sleep worse, which can make your anxiety worse, too. (Caffeine withdrawal can also cause anxiety!)
Limit your news consumption. This one is critical. Take it from me, a former political reporter: You really do not need to know everything that is happening as it happens. You can check in on headlines once or twice a day and stay informed. You can check in on headlines once a week and stay informed. There’s no possible way to keep up with everything happening, and trying to is only going to create more anxiety.
Listen to music. I once only listened to music in the car or while doing things. Then I slowly became a podcast person, because there are a lot of good podcasts, and the news on the radio became untenable. But in the past year, I’ve made a conscious choice to listen to more music and fewer podcasts, and I think it’s been really good for my brain. (And, to be clear, I was not listening to any news or political podcasts, mostly ethical[ish?] true crime and culture pods.) If you need an album to start with, Snocaps is really good, perfect 90s-tinged indie rock.
Pet a dog. Or a cat. Or a reptile, if that floats your boat. Animals are proven stress reducers. It feels great every morning to know I am making my dog the happiest he’s ever been simply by feeding him. That pure joy is not always contagious, but it’s helpful to witness daily.
Watch your supplement intake. There are a lot of herbal/other supplements out there promising to provide calm or help you sleep. Some of them might help you. But supplements are not regulated by the FDA. You don’t actually know if what you’re taking is what’s on the label. Supplements can also interact with prescription medications or cause serious side effects. And in my personal experience, some of those calming supplements can also cause rebound anxiety just as bad as alcohol and benzos. (Looking at you, L-theanine.1) If you take a calming supplement and notice your anxiety getting worse, stop taking it and see if your anxiety levels drop after a couple of days. If so, it was likely rebound effect. Also, as always, talk to your PCP before taking anything new.
Yoga. I just wrote about this, so I’m not going to write more, but I swear it helps.
Finally, if your anxiety is regularly waking you up at night or derailing your day:
Talk to a medical professional. Medical-grade anxiety can benefit from treatment, certain medications and/or therapy. Other medications and certain medical conditions can actually cause anxiety or make it worse. Your primary care physician (or psychiatrist) is your best bet for helping you find a long-term strategy to manage clinical anxiety disorders.
All of these tips may be helpful. None of these tips may be helpful. Everyone’s body is different, and my physiological response to anxiety may be unlike yours. However, I do think there are two crucial components to managing anxiety long-term that anyone can benefit from — and if the state of the world is contributing to your anxiety, you could definitely stand to try:
Help others. Maybe you’re sending money to mutual aid organizations, maybe you’re protesting, maybe you’re volunteering with your church, maybe you’re helping an elderly neighbor with yard work — it doesn’t matter. Helping other people is one of the best ways to get out of your head. It’s okay if the ways you are good at helping aren’t the things that can make an impact politically. Helping another human is making an impact, and that feels political — you’re actively caring about someone else. What could be more important right now? It doesn’t matter how you do it.
Let it go. You cannot control what’s happening. You can’t control the world or other people in it. You can’t control your kids or your spouse or your parents or your coworkers or that annoying tourist driving 10 miles an hour who refuses to use the slow traffic pull-off. The more time you spend getting upset over all the things you can’t control, the more time you are upset. All you can control is how you react to things. Are you going to be mad online about it, or are you going to do something to protect your mental health so you can help people later?
A lot of people feel limited by the principle of accepting the things you can’t control, and I get it. It does sound defeatist to just say, “Well, the federal government is out of my control, can’t do anything!” But there’s a huge difference between letting go of what you can’t control and giving in to fascism. Once you accept your powerlessness over just about everything, you have the freedom to direct your energy to what you can change. If I sit around raging over everything ICE is doing in Minneapolis and Memphis and Portland and Nashville and Chicago and everywhere else, then I’m letting my feelings and my fear control me. If I’m saying, “Fuck ICE! What can I do to help in my limited capacity from where I am and with the zero money I have?” then I am taking action. It’s the opposite of powerlessness and defeatism.2
I started writing this post to distract myself from a longer, darker essay I’m writing, one that’s giving me a lot of anxiety. I can’t say that I really feel better now, either. But my words are one of the few things I can control, and one of the few things that may possibly help someone, somewhere, just a little bit more than a drink might. Because all this shit is still going to be happening when January ends, and these tools are a lot cheaper and a lot better for your body than a couple of nightly cocktails.
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Several canned NA mocktails contain L-theanine because I guess mocktails can’t just taste good, they need to do something, just like booze. (I am rolling my eyes very hard at this, if you can’t tell.)
Not to go all 12-step on you, but coincidentally this passage was in today’s AA Daily Reflection: “How, I asked myself, can I find the Power within myself, since I am so powerless? In time, as the founders promised, it came to me: I have always had the choice between goodness and evil, between unselfishness and selfishness, between serenity and fear.” And that’s the point — choosing serenity over fear and anxiety is taking your power back from the goons.
This is a great list, although I've never heard the tip about sour things. Interested to try that one next time the opportunity presents itself.